Darkthrone

Darkthrone - Too Old Too Cold
Peaceville, 2006
Genre: Rock/Black Metal

1. Too Old Too Cold
2. High on Cold War
3. Love in a Void
4. Graveyard Slut

What the fuck is this?  I thought I was buying a Darkthrone album…?  From two veteran fellows in Black Metal, this has a very childish aspect to it.  With this Ep comes a multitude of questions that I’ve managed to come up with, aside from the fact that I question why the music basically sucks so much.  First question I had when picking this up was: why is Darkthrone releasing limited edition products all of a sudden?  Honestly, when’s the last time any of you have ever seen Darkthrone release something in strictly limited quantities like this officially?  Can’t think of any time… yeah me either?  Now getting this in my hands I looked at the company that released it and that brought an even bigger question to my mind.  Why is this released on Peaceville?  Wait… why are Darkthrone even signed to Peaceville now?  I thought they hated Peaceville... Didn’t Darkthrone, not too long ago, sign a life-time contract with Moonfog?  Amidst all of these highly bizarre changes, I think we stumble upon some strange answers as to why the songwriting on this album is uninteresting at best.

I can only assume that the tracks on here are representative of what the following full length will sound like, and I must say I am not looking forward to it in the least.  Seriously what is going on here?  I know Darkthrone has never been well known for their lyrical prowess, but please, the line where they say “Down with people,” that sounds like something a two year old would concoct.  The lyrics strike me as the most idiotic aspect out of this entire release, and that’s impressive considering how weak the tracks are on here.  Look at this verse that I have tried my best to decipher from the title track:

“Nothing to prove

Just a hellish rock 'n roll freak

You call your metal black

It's just plastic, lame and weak”

Yeah, we’re well aware Darkthrone have nothing to prove, but does that make sense to all of sudden to release a piece of shit album?  Apparently that’s what it sanctions, not to mention returning to labels that kicked you off their roster…  Why the hell are they back on Peaceville?

Musically this album is much more akin to Punk than anything Black Metal.  All the drum beats on here are those infuriating up beat bunk beats that Ska bands favor nowadays.  I hate Punk, by the way, so if you love it, you’ll probably like this album, just thought I would clarify that at some point.  Anyway, the vocals are more akin to Black Metal, but they have a very early Black Metal feel, say dating back to Hellhammer or early Celtic Frost styles at times.  The worst thing on here is the Punk cover song “Love in a Void,” because during some vocal parts Nocturno Culto sounds more like Oderus Urungus of Gwar than anyone else, making this sound all the more like a total joke.  It doesn’t seem like Darkthrone took anything seriously on this release.  They just threw a bunch of shit together to make a marketable product knowing that they could sell records based on their “kvlt” status to stupid fourteen year old kids who think they’re cool because they have a limited edition Darkthrone release.  I know that sounds entirely hypocritical for me buying the album, but I wanted to see what was going on here so I can tell my readers.  I think I know what Darkthrone is really up to and I’ll agree with a shoddy performance like this if I’m right, but I’ll wait to hear the entire full length and comment on it there.  Until then, Darkthrone are not presenting themselves as they were in the past.  Granted I was no huge fan of their stagnant releases, I never found their newer material ground breaking by any means.  However, just be made aware Darkthrone have changed gears into something else, and the album title does say it all, “Too Old Too Cold.”  They definitely regressed into the old, and now it’s definitely too cold because it’s like their creativity is operating at minus 273 degrees Kelvin.  You’ve been warned… until the full length to hear more of this rant.